Jill's Journal: I'm a millionaire ... yeah, right.

I am a millionaire! Or I’m about to be.

That’s right, folks – I won the PCH, and they’re coming to Brandon to deliver the big check and a whole lot more.

At least that’s what Mr. David Washington told me over the phone Saturday morning.

I knew from the start that his announcement was obviously too good to be true from the moment he told me that I had won 2.5 million smackaroos. But just for the fun of it, I played along, and the longer he talked, the bigger the prize package became. 

I was instructed to get a piece of paper and pencil, as he had some important numbers and instructions that I needed in order for the 2.5 million bucks to show up at my front door. He gave me my PCH number, a confirmation number and another series of numbers that I don’t recall were needed for whatever reason.

But I wrote the 10-digit number down … just in case.

As our conversation continued, he asked if  I remembered where this whopping Saturday morning surprise prize was coming from. I answered, “Publisher’s Clearing House.”

He told me that I could shorten it to “PCH.”

Next, it was up to me to decide where I’d like the ‘Prize Patrol’ to show up: My home, my office, and so on and so forth. 

I picked my home.

I was also given the choice of having it presented in a “quiet” manner or publicly, where the daily newspaper and local television stations would be clued in that Brandon, S.D., is home to a $2.5 million PCH winner.

I picked the public celebration. I mean, why not? Something like this is surely worthy of celebrating in a public way.

And for no explained reason, Mr. David Washington told me they were going to pay 99.9 percent of the taxes owed on this unexpected wealth, leaving me responsible for a measly 1 percent. 

Can you believe my luck? 

Just like those crazy TV commercials, “that’s not all” of the prize package that Mr. David Washington was excited to announce was coming my way. He told me that I would be receiving a brand spanking new Mercedes Benz, and gave me the options of color and hardtop or convertible.

I picked a cherry red convertible.

I was also given the option of personalized plates or “regular. plates”

I opted for regular, with the thought that I don’t want to come off “too flashy” when I’m behind the wheel of my cherry red Mercedes Benz convertible.

But wait! There was still more.

Mr. David Washington shared that I would also be receiving six years of free gasoline for my cherry red Mercedes Benz convertible.

Oh, the good fortune I was having although I was well aware that it was just too good to believe. Literally.

Like all good things must come to an end, now it was time to do some business, he told me. For the cherry red Mercedes Benz convertible, my responsibility was only $505. He was curious if the $505 would be a “minor” issue for me to pay or a “major” issue. I assured him it would be “minor.”

Then came the kicker: It seems our government these days wants our ‘luxury’ taxes paid in Vanilla gift cards.

Hmmmm. How interesting ....

“Do you know where you can buy them?” Mr. David Washington asked, as if I were clueless about the scam he was doing his best to ‘sell’ me on.

“The store, I suppose,” I answered with a hint of sarcasm in my tone.  

And then it was time to bring this conversation to a screeching halt.

“This is a SCAM,” I blurted out, followed by a motherly scolding. “You should be ashamed of yourself,” before hanging up.

I found the phone call a bit ironic after writing two stories last week on this very subject: the first regarding a Brandon woman scammed out of more than $30,000, and the other related to prescription drug fraud.

With the advancement of technology, scams will come and scams will go, but we must always remember that if it’s too good to be true no matter how delicious it may be, it’s most likely too good to be true. 

I’m sad that we live in a world where scoundrels like Mr. David Washington believe that’s what's mine and yours is somehow theirs. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if scammers like Mr. David Washington had a legitimate job? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we didn’t always have to be keenly aware of hackers and pick pocketers and scam artists and the like? 

If and when that day ever comes, wouldn’t it be wonderful?

* * *

To our readers, please remember to stay aware of scams such as this one. As our Brandon Police Chief Jamie Steffel says, “If you see (or hear) something that isn’t right, say something (report it).”