The Absent Uncle: Friendship – Part 2

When I wrote and submitted last week’s column, I didn’t realize until after that it should have been entitled: Friendship – Part 1. As I did my final lookover of the article, somewhere in my conscious thought process, something got triggered and it took a day or two to surface with words that I could spell out. 

What surfaced was the realization that the fellow I spoke of – Mel – was the first close friend that I had ever made to pass away. I remembered when I got the word from his wife of his passing (I was aware his death from the cancer was imminent) that I did cry when I saw the message and was depressed for a day or two. It was a sad moment and that sadness comes back whenever I think about good ol’ Mel.

There have been multiple close family members that have passed away in my life. A sister, my parents, grandparents, and uncles/aunts. All somber, sad occasions. I cried at some of those death notices and still feel some pain when I think about them; the good times, great stories, and just how they affected my life as I grew up. 

But this was different. Sharper, more “personal”. Please readers: don’t jump to conclusions thinking somehow relatives are less important than friends in my way of thinking/remembering. It is just different. 

Relatives are born into. They are your family, chosen for you, given to you, and for better or worse you have them – they have you. That is the difference. 

Friends are those people we’ve chosen. (I would suppose a person’s spouse and children would be considered a choice as well, but that is a subject for another day.)

Just think of the hundreds or maybe even the thousands of people we come across in our daily lives. Neighbors, co-workers, from school, people with common interests you may have met through clubs and organizations, and those chance meetings at pivotable moments in our lives. The list may be extremely long for some of you. 

We have so many internal terms to “grade” their importance. Acquaintances, confidants, trusted or go-to persons, just friends, close friends, long-time friends, dear friends, and cherished/loved friends. That list could go on and on, and I am sure with areas of gray in between each “grade”.  But they all have one thing in common: You chose them. You let them into your heart and mind as someone special at some level.

For me, Mel was toward the top, and remarkably my first close friend to pass away. His passing reminds me of what I have to look forward to while going forward. It makes those who are at the top of the “grades” even more cherished.